Relationships
“Marriage is not a love affair. A love affair is a totally different thing. A marriage is a commitment to that which you are. That person is literally your other half. And you and the other are one. A love affair isn't that. That is a relationship for pleasure, and when it gets to be unpleasurable, it's off. But a marriage is a life commitment, and a life commitment means the prime concern of your life. If marriage is not the prime concern, you're not married....The Puritans called marriage "the little church within the Church." In marriage, every day you love, and every day you forgive. It is an ongoing sacrament – love and forgiveness.... Like the yin/yang symbol....Here I am, and here she is, and here we are. Now when I have to make a sacrifice, I'm not sacrificing to her, I'm
sacrificing to the relationship. Resentment against the other one is wrongly placed. Life in in the relationship, that's where your life now is. That's what a marriage is – whereas, in a love affair, you have two lives in a more or less successful relationship to each other for a certain length of time, as long as it seems agreeable.”
― Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth
If you have a wonderful man (or woman) who is your whole world, who isn’t perfect, but perfect for you, who works hard and would do anything for you, who makes you laugh, who is your best friend & sometimes your only friend, who you want to grow old with, who you are thankful for every day. You are very blessed. Take care of each other.
Never marry someone whom you can't talk to. Sex fades, but a good conversation last a life time, for it is companionship not romance that makes the happiness of daily life,
She married him today.
At the end of the wedding party, her mother gave her a newly opened bank savings passbook, with $1000 deposited in it.
She told her, "My dear daughter, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your married life. Whenever something happy and memorable happens in your new life, put some money in. Write down what it's about next to the amount. The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in. I've done the first one for you today. Do the others with your husband. When you look back after years, you will know how much happiness you've both shared.'
She shared this with him after getting home. Both of them thought it was a great idea and couldn't wait to make the next deposit! This is what the passbook looked like after a while:
- 7 Feb: $100, his first birthday celebration after marriage
- 1 Mar: $300, she gets a salary raise
- 20 Mar: $200, vacation to Bali
- 15 Apr: $2000, She's pregnant!
- 1 Jun: $1000, He gets the big promotion
and so on...
However, as the years went by, they began fighting and arguing over trivial things. They didn't talk much. They regretted that they had married the most nasty person in the world...There was no more love.
One day she talked to her Mother. 'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We have decided to divorce. I can't imagine how I decided to marry this guy!'
Her mother replied, 'Sure, that's no big deal. Just do whatever you want, if you really can't stand it. But before that, do one thing. Remember the savings passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first. You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'
She agreed with her. So she went to the bank, and was waiting in the queue to cancel the account. While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She looked, and looked, and looked. Then the memory of all the previous joyful moments came back to her. Her eyes were filled with tears. She left and went home.
When she got home, she handed the passbook to him and asked him to spend the money before getting divorced.
So the next day, he went to the bank, and was waiting in the queue to cancel the account. While he was waiting, he took a look at the passbook record. He looked, and looked, and looked. Then the memory of all the previous joyful moments came back to him. His eyes were filled with tears. He left and went home.
He gave the passbook back to her. She found a new deposit of $5000. And a line next to the record: 'This is the day I realized how much I've loved you throughout all these years. How much happiness you've brought me.'
They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back into the safe.
If you like this story then from now on give a print out of this story to every couple who is getting married along with a nice notebook to record their happy times...who know you may just be able to help them !!
“[Marriage] is the reunion of the separated duad. Originally you were one. You are now two in the world, but the recognition of the spiritual identity is what marriage is.”
― Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth
“Marriage is not a simple love affair, it’s an ordeal, and the ordeal is the sacrifice of ego to a relationship in which two have become one.”
― Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth
You teach people how to treat you. So treat people the way you want treated.
The following is addressed to women, but the door swings both ways.
What is good for the goose is good for the gander,
and what is good for the gander is good for the goose as well.
A man should never invest in a relationship he wouldn't want his son in,
nor allow any woman to treat in a way he would scold his daughter for.
Woman you want your men to treat you right. Always keep in mind
"The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world."
Don't give away our power to others. It does NOT take a village to raise a child, it takes parental dedication!
Teach your sons right, raise them well. Don't allow them to get away with things you wouldn't want done to you by a spouse no matter how "cute" it is now. You are raising the future, do it right! Then your son will know how to treat a woman and the difference between a good woman and someone not worthy of his attention.
Fathers raise your daughters right. Don’t allow them to get away with things you wouldn’t want your wife to do no matter how “cute is now. You are also raising the future do it right! Be a part of your children’s lives! YOUR presence MATTERS!
It doesn't matter, mate or child ... do
A picture is worth a thousand words.
Do you get it?
Children see, children do. What are you teaching your children?
I was in a place the other day, over heard a man complain about his son and how his son didn't want to go to camp with the other kids. He wanted to go hang out in the bar.
It was all I could do not to laugh at the man. Why would his 10 year old son want to hang out in a bar? Because he wanted to spend time with is father. What does his father do with his time? Hang out in the bar of course. The boy only wanted to be with and like is father.
If you don't want your children to grow up any better than you don't change. If you do, it is time to be the example, for the copy what they see.
You are after all the closest thing to a god they have. Be a good parent, be a good example.
What you choose to do today, they will do tomorrow. If you don’t like your life, don’t let them make the same mistakes. The buck stops with YOU!
Or "Boys will be boys."
And you wonder why they end up in trouble later in life.
If not with you,
where does it stop?
Teach the children!
Deuteronomy 6:
Thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.
Character formation cannot be taught.
It comes from experience and not from explanation. -Dr. Maria Montessori
“This is what you should be teaching your sons:
Teach them that a woman’s body is not property.
It is not a house for sale. It is not a piece of land
that gets sold to the highest bidder,
or the first man that can sweet talk them into consent.
She has thorny roses falling out of her mouth as she speaks.
She does not have poems written on her breasts.
She has hurricanes in the back of her throat.
She has snowstorms in her brain.
Those are what you should be paying attention to.
Teach them that the size of a woman’s
body parts do not dictate her worth.
Each woman is a map and if you dismiss her
because she has plateaus where another woman has mountains,
and mountains where another woman has valleys,
then you will be missing out on an awfully big adventure.
Teach them that you cannot expect
a woman to accept your insecurities, if you do not accept hers.
Teach them that pressuring a woman to consent is not consent.
Teach them that “I love you’s” are not consent.
Teach them that a relationship, a marriage,
their clothing, their flirting, is not consent.
Teach them that being too high, too drunk, or too unconscious is not consent.
Teach them that even though virginity is a construct of the patriarchy, for a woman to trust someone with her naked body for the first time, is still frightening.
Teach them that she will want to turn the lights off and hide under the covers as soon as you undress her. Teach your sons’ mouths to say the phrase “You’re beautiful” with the lights on, her naked body fully visible.
Teach your sons that sex is always optional. Teach your sons that it is possible to have a relationship without sex.
Teach your sons that they can love whoever they want. Teach your sons that they do not have to label their sexuality, or gender, if they prefer not to. Teach your sons that it’s okay if they don’t fit into society’s boxes.
Teach your sons that the “friend zone” does not exist. Teach your sons that even though nice guys finish last, it’s okay because they sleep better at night.
Teach your sons how to be kind without expecting anything in exchange.
Teach your sons that women of any color is not their sex object. Teach your son that it is wrong to be attracted to a woman
simply because of her skin color.
Teach your sons that there is never any justification for calling a woman a “slut” or a “whore”. Teach your sons that the proper word for an independent woman is “strong”, not “bitch”.
Teach your son that a woman does not dress to please him. Teach your sons that women do not exist to please them.”
- Saman Farrukh
Treat them with the kindness you wish to see in them when they are grown.
Relationship with one's self
The Golden Rule / Law of the Prophets
Treat others as we would have them to treat us.
Question is how do we treat ourselves?
Usually not very good.
Why?
It is what society has taught us. It has taught us wrong.
The Hadith states, “Do what you should do when you should do it; don’t do what you shouldn’t do; and when it is unclear, wait until you are more sure.” This is good advice for the warrior. Although this is pretty simple and straightforward advice, it is not always so simple to figure out what you should do and what you shouldn’t do. Again, this requires thought, and to make the right decisions, you have to spend time making sure your mind is right. Remember, for things to be right on the outside, they first have to be right on the inside. If you aren’t thinking rationally, there is a very good chance that your decisions will be off kilter. ~Bohdi Sanders
